WHY DO I WRITE?
Now, after all this… the million-dollar question? What have I achieved? Well, honestly… nothing. Post the death of my Dad, I went into a ‘revenge’ mode where I wanted to bring back everything that I had lost because of the failure of his business. However, after everything that has happened till today (mind you, I am writing this while I am stuck at home due to coronavirus and the whole country is in lockdown), I realized that whatever was lost was lost. It was my father’s burden to bear and he lived with it.
Post his death, I lived with the belief that all his burden had passed down to me only to realize during this lockdown that I was wrong. My dad had lost everything but still sported a smile, I can never forget that smile but never in my life realized that even in our darkest times, when everything is going against us… it is our smile that confuses the dark clouds circling around us – DO WHATEVER YOU WANT DO BUT YOU CAN NEVER BREAK ME.
My dad never preached anything but in his final days, in the most indirect way, he taught me the most important thing to do in life – to smile. To keep smiling no matter what. However, I was the one who never understood this and lived my life feverishly trying to bring back what I lost. The lockdown suddenly brought me into a self-realization mode. I realized that what was lost… they all belonged to my father. Once he passed away, all his burden vanished. Nothing was ever passed down to me.
I cried when I realized that I was blessed by my father to forget everything, forget even him and not just live my life but create it with my own beliefs… and not with the beliefs forced upon me by the others. The only responsibility that was given to me – to take care of my mother, that is all. So late did I realize this but better late than never. I have received stupendous success and respect in my job though I am not sure if I will ever be successful as a writer but after all that I been through, and this realization of mine… it doesn’t matter as long as I keep doing what I love.
I have a Facebook page in my name that has 747 followers who have not read any of my books yet when I look at that number, I feel so motivated. I have a YouTube channel and Facebook page titled ‘IamfreakingBADatGaming’, close to 300 followers on both. People who are watching my gaming videos don’t know my identity yet I am not complaining. Why? Call it old school but I believe your work is your identity. There is no use if people know your name when nothing ‘spectacular’ is associated with that name. Spundan Dasgupta sounds empty without the tagline – Spundan The Writer and Pro-Gamer. I am boasting about myself? No, I am not. This is what our reality should be. Our work should precede our name and there is no pun intended. There is no reason to do cheap publicity for yourself as long as you are true to whatever you are doing… whatever the hell you are doing.
I am proud of the fact that till date I have published 6 books, I have a blog running (with just 2 followers, and I thank them for their continued support), I talked about my Facebook and YouTube page (and thanks to my followers over there too), my life has never been this enjoyable and happening. We humans run behind the stuff that we crave for but little do we realize that if we don’t have gratitude for the stuffs we have, how can we expect ourselves to be happy when we get what we always craved for.
Most of us have realized during this lockdown that we have all lived a life of ‘showing off’ and ‘looking for greener pasture’. Locked inside our homes and praying for the day to come where we will be free from the coronavirus has made us look into the brighter side of our world. It has opened our eyes to a lot of stuffs that we have never seen or never cared to see or perceive. We have always been running around, working day in and day out, partying, freaking around, taking selfies to show off how happening our lives are yet deep within those false mask that we put here and there is a soul that is in torment, longing for freedom, for happiness… yet during this lockdown phase is when we realized where our happiness lies.
Our happiness lies in our home, our families, about the things we love to do without expecting anything in return. I know nothing about cooking yet the little help (or no help, to be honest) I do for my Mom to make some delicious dishes every now and then, and the sweet smile that she gives when it turns out just the way she wanted is the biggest incentive I have received. Bigger than the incentive that any company would give motivating their employees to work hard when in reality all they want is to survive while watching an employee forget their personal life while the company fill their coffers (and while I am saying this, here I am, working from home to see to it that the supply of my daily bread is not disrupted and working hard for incentives.)
Gratitude people, yes, Gratitude. Does not matter who has hurt you, does not matter who is not with you anymore, does not matter who has broken your heart or demotivated your or left you half way through your journey towards ‘everlasting peace’… be thankful for what you have in life.
People who complain about their jobs, do you have any idea how many people have lost their jobs because of coronavirus and lockdown? I call myself lucky to be still working and our clients having the believe in us to create a miracle out of nothing yet I feel sorry for those sitting at home wondering how they are going to manage due to the crisis that has erupted.
You complain about your family, your spouse, your brother or sister yet now you are ‘trapped’ with them. Are you still complaining? Don’t you think this is the time when you forgot all your differences and try to get along? Try to understand each other and find the source of all those differences? Family is above everything… even above God. You may not believe in God (does not matter, he believes in you – The Count Of Monte Cristo (2002)) but believe in your family for when anything untoward befalls, they will come in support of you and no one else (of course, depends on the situation you are in, in which case they will spank you, beat you to pulp… but if you are up for it, nothing to worry, they will still support you in the end.)
You complain about your relationship? Your boyfriend or girlfriend? Well, you are in lockdown. Call yourself lucky that you are not going out there on a date and flushing out huge amount of cash or spending hours deciding on which dress to wear and impress. You ask me, I see these so-called couples flaunting themselves as how happy they are together, I am… I guess…. to old to look into their ‘flaunting’ and realize that all that glitters is not gold. All I see is pass time which has all stopped due to this lockdown. Only the true ones are making time for themselves to talk or chat with each other, and pray together for a better tomorrow. The rest, well, either they are crying due to their inability to pass their time or are jumping with joy that they don’t have to worry about breaking up, for in time they will forget about each other and move on.
Yes, people have lost their lives due to the epidemic and my heart goes out for all those people who lost their loved ones. It is a sacrifice that we humans have to give for all the bad things we have done. Look around you, pollution is nil, the ozone layer is healing itself, the animals are roaming around freely while we are locked up. The sin that a few people committed, we are the ones facing the brunt and living with the realization that nothing is above Mother Nature as our earth takes it’s time to heal itself.
However, there are only a few of us who are looking at the bright side. This is the time of introspection, to ask ourselves as what we have been doing – right or wrong. We live with the hope that everything will stop and we can go back to our normal lives, with a new thought and belief that we will mend our ways and see to it that we do not face this situation again.
That again brings us to the question – What have I (or we) achieved? An answer that nothing is real except your family. An answer that we have always lived craving for something or the other yet never have been thankful for the things that we already have. The real peace that I got when I realized this… I have no words to explain. I pray that we not only come out of this crisis but we also start to follow everything that we learnt and realized during this phase. That we mend our ways and do not go back to what we always did. We must learn from our ‘lessons’ and start moving in the direction that benefits all of us.